F.Y.I Is Yelling More Harmful Than You Think?

My father was a military commander and  yelled as well as my mother at me. While it was easy for them to lose their cool, I vowed if i were to have children, I would NOT be a yeller. Low and behold, four kids later, guess what? I became a worse yeller than my parents. Usually, one will yell when they are stressed, but how many times can a parent tell their child to stop doing something over and over before ones vocal chords become strained? Once you scream, you always feel bad afterwards, but, I found through talking to those who are in the know that yelling for the most part is a normal activity. So much so, that the Journal of marriage and Family published a report in 2003 showed that nearly 90% of parents surveyed yelled at their kids. In children over 7 years, the study said yelling by parents is 100%. But is yelling good? Most experts say the negative as it is an ineffective way to communicate with children. The research shows that yelling at your children can be as harmful as  hitting them. It affects their self esteem and increases anger and anxiety. While yelling at children has it’s moments, like kids playing near a hot stove, lighting matches and other dangerous endeavors, experts feel that yelling for the most part is an indication that the parent is losing self control.                                                                                                                                                                                             Tone of voice is the most important aspect of communication. In my own marriage, how many times have I received negatives from my wife on the tone I used to explain something, even though I mean well. In the same way, children react to the tone of the parents voice.. Staying calm and using a matter of fact tone is best. Moreover, the experts feel that the parent upon feeling a situation that needs yelling take a time out similar to what we give our kids before the yelling commences. Maintaining eye contact with the child is also important the experts warn. Think about the situation with children like how we do best in our work situation. We all do best when we have a positive relationship with those whom we work with. When their tone of voice is positive, we feel like we are a member of the team. The same holds true with the family unit. There should be compassion in everything we relate to with our kids.                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Does yelling at children leave an indelible mark? When kids talk to me about their parents, usually the first thing they will tell me is “My parents are always yelling at me” They say it with a face of  disappointment. It is suggested that you  look at the situation at hand, then think of what you will say constructively and go from there. While we are all guilty of yelling, it is important to think before you act. That way, it makes it a better place for everyone.

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