Being Married can be a Joy!!

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave” Martin Luther.                                                                                                                     The statistics show that one in three marriages end but why? In his best selling book, Men are from Mar’s, Women are from Venus, author John Gray offered vast differences in the way both men and women think and  feel. While his feeling is that both are at fault and with a little tweeking, and, adjustments, the union can work out just fine. Surely the wife is a nag, and with that, the husband is lazy and   uninvolved. As Gary Smalley put it, Men are microwaves, always erotically charged and women, well the are crook pots, simmering  but long for words and touch. For the most part, couples stay together because of the kids or financial reasons or whatever. Once the empty nest arrives, the stats show that twenty five year unions many times end because there is nothing to be together for. The children gone, the couples flounder and get lost.                   So, what is the answer? Do we just give up? Is there a way to mend the situation or, is it just band aided? Well, to start with, men and women must look at each other differently. Women like words and a gentle hand. Men, well they like to be respected and each hopes to be appreciated as the leader or at least the bread winner of the family. When in conversation with the wife, a man should sit with eyes focused on his wife. Listening to every word so that she will feel wanted and needed. Further, men make the mistake of giving advice. Almost all women know exactly what to do in a situation, they just need to vent. Men should listen, put down the sports page or turn off the game. Once she feels she has your attention, she will feel more connected. Connection is a major reason for distance. A man should not give the solution but, say instead, what are you going to do about it? or, what is your plan? Women don’t want to be told what to do, they already know what to do, they just need an ear to bend. Once the communication is established by us men becoming GOOD listeners, the relationship will get more validity as the women then realizes she can open up so to speak with her spouse.                                           Women on the other hand, must learn to value the respect aspect of their spouse. If you tell him he did a wonderful job mowing the lawn, he will go out of his way to do more. Men are kittens at heart! They love to be petted and nurtured regardless of how masculine they come on. A simple gesture of appreciation, a touch on the shoulder or,a meaningful comment goes a long way in the heart of men. Also showing respect for what men do if indeed they are the breadwinners of the family. It goes miles when you tell  the man thank you for what you do for this family.                                                                              Sadly, most men and women were not born with a guide to understand each other, so, with that, most couples go on  together without knowing how to nurture each other and the results are for the most part devastating. As parents, we need to communicate these aspects to our children when they are a proper age. Only when  fathers teach their sons to RESPECT women for what they are and mothers teach their daughters to appreciate wholesome men will we start to truly understand relationships. The greatest thing in life, is seeing an elderly couple holding hand! It means that they still harness the love they started with, a GREAT measuring stick for all of us indeed!! Thanks for reading, John.

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